DNA Holds No Loyalty: Reflections on a Life-Altering Reunion
Words from Jonathan Hay, acclaimed producer, publicist, and fellow adoptee, sharing his profound and challenging journey of reunion.
Jonathan Hay, a music producer and publicist known for his work with major artists, shares the raw and unfiltered story of his deeply personal journey, from reconnecting with his biological mother to surviving a traumatic home invasion.
"I have experienced both anticlimactic and traumatic experiences during my adoption journey.
When I first met my biological mother, I didn’t feel anything but disappointment and confusion. The moment wasn't intoxicating as I had always imagined it to be. It was a rather transient and toxic first meeting with my biological mother in a dusty trailer park outside Cleveland, Ohio in a town called Ashtabula. It was during that life-changing moment that I crushingly realized that DNA has no feelings, emotions, or loyalty.
My whole entire life, I’d waited for this very moment—to be in the same room as my mom—and there I was: underwhelmed, trying to pretend I had feelings for her. Not only that, our main topic of conversation was about my ex-fiancé and our fresh breakup after 9 years.
In spite of the fact that she didn't have a good reason for showing me the cards and gifts my ex sent to her, as well as voicemail messages, it seemed like she was gloating over some relationship she had with my ex that I didn't have. I was extremely shocked learning that my biological mother and ex-fiancé had become so close. My ex ruined this special moment I had spent my entire life seeking by poisoning any relationship I might have with my biological mother.
Within two months of my horrible meeting with my biological mother, I was ambushed, pistol-whipped, and assaulted by two masked men while bound and duct-taped. During those two scarring hours, I felt like I was going to die, but at the same time, I felt accomplished—as I had just met my biological mother, which had been my lifelong dream. My career had been successful, and I had built a legacy, so at that point, I felt satisfied while on the verge of death.
Once again, that home invasion also centered around my ex-fiancé, who was dating one of the men who pleaded guilty to kidnapping and robbery charges. Her love interest would never snitch on her, so my ex was never charged. She kept kicking and stomping me while I was down, suing me for two million dollars. I didn’t have the strength to fight her lawsuit, as I was reeling from the traumatic home invasion.
I was trying to survive a complete mental collapse, so I just tried to ignore it, not deal with it, and I never showed up to court. I never wanted to be in the same room with my ex and it took place in Louisville, Kentucky during the pandemic while I was living in Brooklyn, New York. I just wanted to heal, while she just wanted to hurt. I never fought; and she wouldn’t stop fighting. My good friend Jaguar Wright recently told me - and the rest of the world - that Drake was somehow involved in my home invasion which was profound for me to hear.
In her defense, my biological mom tried to be there for me after the home invasion, as she realized that my ex was an awful person when her boyfriend was charged with the crime.
My ex had confided in my biological mom about this man prior to the home invasion. She realized that she had been played by my ex and apologized. However, it was too late, as the betrayal and damage had been done.
I never spoke to my biological mom again. She passed away during the pandemic. Here it is now, 7 years since meeting her and surviving a horrific attack and I'm still reflecting. I'm still processing... "
