Siblings Reunited
Surreal. This is the word that comes to mind when I reflect on my reunion, from last year. Connecting with my birth siblings jolted me “out of the fog”.
I started questioning my origin story, and reflecting on my childhood. I submitted a formal request to see reports from my case file (still waiting on that) and found the Adoptee Community.
I grew up vaguely knowing I had older bio siblings, because social services had reported to my adoptive mom that my bio dad left the country with them before CPS took custody of me. Growing up as an only child, I would fantasize more about my siblings than I did about my bio parents. Though I couldn’t remember them, I thought about them often. I carried them in my heart (and in my imagination) with the hope that we would find each other one day. I used to be envious of my friends who had sisters, but I took comfort in knowing I probably had at least one - and she was probably way cooler than all of their sisters. (Heehee)
“Growing up as an only child, I would fantasize more about my siblings than I did about my bio parents. Though I couldn’t remember them, I thought about them often.”
My siblings last saw me when I was 8 months old - the day we were all separated. A day that changed the trajectory of our lives. A day I cannot remember.
Until last year, I didn’t know how many siblings I had, nor their ages, their genders - I knew nothing. And then, all at once I found out I had three of them - with names and faces and families of their own! Connecting with my sisters and brother has given me powerful validation of knowing I was never forgotten. They also provided me with valuable missing pieces from my first chapter of life.
“Until last year, I didn’t know how many siblings I had, nor their ages, their genders - I knew nothing. And then, all at once I found out I had three of them”
I have experienced immense joy connecting with my siblings. My sister, who is 6 years older, looks a lot like me - or rather I resemble her. We have similar noses, chins and even ears! Though, if you ask, she thinks our brother and I look the most alike. One thing is unanimous - we all share the same head of thick curly hair! I love showing pictures and hearing people say how much we look alike. Now when people ask me if I have siblings, which admittedly is less common the older I get, I can finally say YES!
“One thing is unanimous - we all share the same head of thick curly hair! I love showing pictures and hearing people say how much we look alike.”
I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to grow up together. I was raised in the U.S, they were raised in Mexico. I was adopted, they were not. Collectively, there is a lot of trauma. And naturally, we want to share it all with each other. Though, I have found myself holding back on sharing, because I don't want it to become a game of Competitive Grief.
My greatest fear is that they resent me or find me unlikeable. Culture and a whole lifetime of differences separate us. Sometimes, I can't help but feel sooo different from them. Here I am, still the “Outsider” once again. And it's no one’s fault. But beneath whatever misunderstandings and differences arise, I know there is Love.
Our reunion story just started and we have a lot of lost time to make up for. I try not to think about all that we have missed because it is painful to think about all the beautiful milestones; graduations, new jobs, pregnancies. But we have so much time left to fill. In fact, I finally met my brother in person and spent the whole weekend with him and my "twin" sister! The beginning of our story was out of our hands, but we can write the rest.
We will make it beautiful.
